


The Difference Between a Crocodile and an Alligator

by AnUnexpectedMuffin



Series: Birds of a Feather [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: babysitting gone awry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:52:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4572243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnUnexpectedMuffin/pseuds/AnUnexpectedMuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Nightwing calls on Hawkeye to babysit, but there is a small misunderstanding over which Hawkeye he meant.<br/>(Clint would like to argue that people who live in glass batcaves with multiple Robins shouldn't throw stones.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Difference Between a Crocodile and an Alligator

“You know,” said the original Robin to the eldest Hawkeye, as the younger Hawkeye flew past them, having lost her grip on Killer Croc’s tail when the current Robin stabbed him in the arm with a batarang, “Alfred must never learn of this.”

A crocodile-alligator…thingy…. who, judging by the lab-coat, had once been a scientist at the now-condemned herpetology lab ran past in the opposite direction, slavering. He broke Kate’s fall quite nicely.

“Any of this,” Dick Grayson repeated emphatically. “I don’t care if you tell Bruce, he _might_ value our preventing Gotham from being overrun with alligators—”

“Crocodiles.”

“—no, I think these are alligators, they have broad rounded snouts and none of their lower teeth are exposed when the jaw is closed,” said Dick, who was one of those people who actually knew the difference between alligators and crocodiles. (He could also reliably explain the difference between stalagmites and stalactites.)

“Huh,” said Clint Barton, who had honestly never given much thought to the difference between crocodiles and alligators, preferring instead to pour all his effort into avoiding being eaten by them. He found himself in situations where this was a genuine danger far more often than was either healthy or believable. “Wait, so what about the pointy-nosed dude I just shot?”

“Uh…oh wow. I think these might be crocodile-alligator hybrids?”

“That is just wrong on so many levels.”

They spent a horrified few minutes picking off the abominations against nature who were running about the narrow alley from the rickety fire escape that overlooked it before it occurred to Dick that he had wanted to say something and been sidetracked.

“Really Clint, we can’t let Alfred know about this.”

“Why?” Clint asked. “It’s just the Lizard and Killer Croc and an experiment gone horribly wrong, we’ve all dealt with way worse.”

“Because with Bruce in DC for that senate defense hearing, and Alfred away on his one week of vacation a year, guess whose responsibility it is to make sure Damian studies for his final exams this week instead of patrolling?”

“Jason?” Clint hazarded, lining up a shot.

Dick picked off the two crocodile-alligator hybrids trying to climb the fire escape and then turned an incredulous stare on Clint. “No,” he said, “ _me_.”

“Oh,” said Clint. Then he glanced back down at the ground, where Kate and Damian were fighting (with the hybrids, not each other). “ _Oh_ ,” he repeated, a little more alarmed. “Then why did you ask _Kate_ to babysit?”

“I wasn’t trying to! When I called and left a message asking Hawkeye to watch Damian tonight, I was actually asking _you_ to do it, and I only asked you because Kitty Pride is on a month long trip to Japan and Lois Lane and Peter Parker are collaborating on a biography of Magneto and are currently in Poland, and you owe me,” Dick said. “I certainly wasn’t going to suggest Kate and Damian spend any more time together than they have to, do you remember the last Stark Charity Gala?”

“Not really,” Clint admitted, “I had three cups of punch before we realized Thor had spiked it. I remember the number of batarangs in my walls the next day and the fact that Lucky was dyed green and had a perm for a month afterward, though.”

“This would be a lot easier if you didn’t have two people using the name Hawkeye at the same time,” Dick said reproachfully.

Clint actually dropped an arrow. (It fell through the grating and onto the floor of the alleyway, where Damian picked it up and stabbed the Lizard with it. Which was overkill, because he and Kate had pretty handily defeated both Killer Croc and the Lizard by this point.)

“ _How_ many Robins are you up to with Damian?” he demanded.

“That’s different!” Dick protested, “We never have more than one at a time!”

“Five,” Damian said to Kate (they were tying up the stragglers), “according to Grayson.”

“And at least the two Hawkeyes are obviously different in gender and age,” Clint continued, “instead of all being identical!”

Dick gave an inarticulate growl and attempted to push Clint off his perch.

“But wasn’t there…” Kate said.

“Yes, Stephanie Brown was Robin,” Damian agreed. “And she did not have black hair and blue eyes, nor was she male.”

“Your family is weird, Damian.” Kate said. “Wanna go find some really terrible pizza and feed some to Lucky?”

“No,” Damian replied with a shudder, but he did lend her a zip line.

“Huh,” said Clint, clinging to the fire escape with one hand, “maybe they’re getting along better.”

“Alfred must _never find out_.” Dick said.

Hundreds of miles away on a private tropical island, Alfred Pennyworth muted the sound on his top-of-the-line Stark Industries improvement of the ipad and shook his head.

“Thank you, JARVIS,” he said politely.

“Well, we must look after each other, mustn’t we?” JARVIS asked. “I’m only glad Sir has never decided _he_ needed a sidekick.”

 


End file.
